The 5 Love Languages of Children

Friday, February 6, 2015 - 17:27 
Do you struggle with relationships? Connecting with others? Your spouse, boyfriend, or kids? I might just have the secret to figuring out how you can relate. 

I'm sure you have heard of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. 

It's a book about how we like to give and recieve love. 

Kristen Orander gave a speech today at our MOPS group about how to tell what love languages your kids have. I'm going to do my best to summarize what Kristen spoke to us about as I thought it would be useful for all moms and parents to understand. 



First and foremost, it is critical to understand that relating to and having a loving relationship with your significant other is THE most important thing you can do for your kids. Growing up in a safe, loving enviornment is so important to the emotional health of your kids. So, if you don't know your spouse's love language, that's where you should begin. 


What are the 5 love languages? 

Words of Affirmation - Expressing words that build up the other person. 

Quality Time - Doing things together, spending time together one on one. 

Gifts - Visual or tangible symbols of love. 

Acts of Service - Expressing your love by doing things for the other person. 

Physical Touch - is just that; hugs, kisses, pat on the back, holding hands, anything that involves physical touch that does not include sex. 


Take a second and figure out what your love language is by clicking here: 

Love Language Quiz

There are 5 basic principles to remember when it comes to the love languages. 


1. We all need ALL FIVE languages of love. Especially as children, we need to learn how to express and accept all five in order to grow into mature adults. **A sign of a mature adult is being able to give and recieve ALL love languages. 


2. Each of us has a primary Love Language based upon the unique way in which God knitted us in the womb. This doesn't mean we can't feel love expressed in other languages but without love being given to us in our own unique way, we may never feel fully loved. 


3. Our Love Language is not likely the same as that of our spouse or kids. If you have several children in your family, chances are just as children have different personalities, they will have different primary love languages. Typically, two children need to be loved in different ways. 


4. Our tendency is to love with our Love Language not the other person's. We love others as we like to be shown love. It is the Language we understand and speak the best. 


5. Like a foreign language we have a more difficult time speaking a Love Language that is not our own. Despite this difficulty we can learn to speak other Love Languages. 


How to discover your child's primary love language? 


It's important to know your child's primary love language because they will ask you indirectly to love on them. Whether it's physical touch and they are always grabbing you or want to cuddle, or quality time where they want your undivided attention, knowing your child's primary love language and taking 10 minutes a day to make sure they feel that could change their attitude for the whole day. 


**It is important to remember that although we need to know our child's primary love language, children need to feel loved by each of the 5 different ways. 


At around age 3-5 you can start to figure out your child's language of love. They need to be able to talk and formulate their own ideas for you to get a good read. This won't happen quickly, but over time. It is important to NOT discuss with your children that you are observing them to figure out what they need more of. 


Discovering your child's primary love language: 

1. Observe how your child expressses love to you. 

2. Observe how your child expresses love to others.

3. Listen to what your child requests most often.

4. Notice what your child most frequently complains about. 

5. Give your child a choice between 2 different options of different love languages and keep a journal of their choices. 

6. See what kind of response you get to different love languages. 


Tips for young kids: 

WOA - compliments you or others frequently

QT - asks to play games, go for a walk, to the park

G - has to take a token when going to see someone

AOS - Asks you, did I do a good job? Do I look pretty/handsome? 

PT - Snuggles, holds your hand, touches your arm, covers your eyes 


Once you've figured out your child's love language, it is important to remember not only to give them love in that way (as well as the others), but to also be careful of how you discipline them. For example, a child with physical touch as their love language would not respond well to a spanking or a child with words of affirmation would not respond well to yelling or harsh words. 


Lastly, if you are like me where you have a child under the age of 1, or just a young child that requires a lot of service from yourself, it is very normal for you to think your love language as a Mom is Acts of Services, because let's face it, we don't have time to do everything we want in a day. On the other side, a Dad with this same situation could think that his is Physical Touch because there isn't time for intimacy. When you really look at your whole life and what you've valued most, you might find that these are just the 2 important in this period of life. I, myself, just realized this very thing. When I read the book, I thought I was Acts of Service, but what I'm finding now is that Words of Affirmation are more my language.